10 Tough-Love Lessons Every Nurse Needs to Hear to Stop Playing Small

If you’ve been here for a while, you know my goal with Life After Nursing School is simple: to be the place you can turn to when you need clarity, confidence, and career inspiration as a nursing student, new grad nurse, or working nurse navigating today’s healthcare world.

Whether you come here for advice on handling a difficult coworker, workflow hacks, or just some reassurance that you’re not alone…

My mission is to help you use your nursing license in a way that adds color to your life, not drains it.

Because let’s face it: we work in an incredibly tough healthcare climate. The pace, the stress, the emotional toll… it’s a lot. I can’t fix the entire system (trust me, if I had a magic wand, I would), but what I can do is help you find mindset shifts that make nursing sustainable, empowering, and fulfilling again.

So today, we’re diving into 10 tough-love lessons every nurse needs to hear, truths that might sting a little at first but will ultimately set you free. These are lessons I’ve learned the hard way throughout my career, from bedside to management to entrepreneurship, and I promise they will save you energy, time, and stress if you take them to heart.

1. You Can’t Want It for Someone More Than They Want It for Themselves

When I was a brand-new nurse, I used to pour so much energy into convincing patients who wanted to leave against medical advice (AMA) to stay. I’d educate, negotiate, practically beg believing if I just said the right thing, they’d change their mind.

Then I transitioned to the ER and learned quickly: you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Your role is to educate and advocate, not to beg. Once I accepted that, I felt lighter.

This lesson hit me even harder in my personal life. My dad passed away from lung cancer in 2015, after years of us begging him to quit smoking. I even wrote him a letter when he turned 50 asking him to stop and he finally did. But it was too late.

For years after his death, I wrestled with anger: Why didn’t he listen? Why didn’t he quit sooner? But eventually, I realized that energy was misplaced. You can’t want change more than the person who needs to make it.

If you’ve ever loved someone struggling with addiction, or tried to motivate someone who wasn’t ready, you know the emotional exhaustion that follows. That’s where I’ve found comfort in Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory. Let people make their own choices. Let them learn their own lessons. And most importantly, let me set boundaries and let go of trying to control the outcome.

2. Consistency Is the Key to Mastery

I don’t know a single nurse - or anyone, really - who tried something new and felt like an expert on day one. Mastery comes from repetition. The sooner you lean into uncomfortable tasks, the faster you build competence and confidence.

When I was a senior in nursing school, I learned this the hard (and slightly embarrassing) way. We had just practiced IV insertion in lab, and I decided to try it on my then-boyfriend (now husband), Bryan. Let’s just say… it didn’t go well. His vein rolled, I missed, and he later developed phlebitis that required antibiotics. Poor guy even wore long sleeves to dinner in 80-degree weather to hide the evidence from his mom.

Fast forward a few years… I worked in the ER, where IVs were second nature. I became extremely competent placing hard sticks, and later, as a manager, one of my favorite things was helping my team with tricky IVs.

That’s what consistency does. You don’t wake up confident, you earn it through showing up, trying again, and learning from mistakes. Every rep counts and is movement forward. 

3. “Fake It ’Til You Make It” Is Real (When Done Right)

Let’s clarify: I’m not talking about pretending to know something you don’t. That’s unsafe. But I am talking about practicing confidence, even when you don’t fully feel it yet.

Your patients can sense your confidence or your hesitation immediately. When you carry yourself with assurance, they trust you more. And the good news is, even if you’re new, you already have things to be confident about:

• Your ability to find the right answer.

• Your compassion and willingness to listen.

• Your commitment to advocating for your patients.

Over time, that practiced confidence becomes genuine confidence. You’re not faking your knowledge… you’re faking the belief until it catches up. And it will.

4. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparison is a thief of joy, confidence, and progress.

In nursing, especially as a new grad or student, it’s easy to look at someone with more experience and think, I’ll never get there. But you’re comparing your chapter two to their chapter twenty.

When I joined the cross-country team my senior year of high school, I constantly compared myself to the faster runners. What I didn’t consider was that they had years of training behind them. I had just started and still managed to become the third fastest on the team. But instead of celebrating that, I focused on not being number one.

That pattern followed me into my nursing career and later, my business. There are moments I feel “behind” until someone says, “Caroline, how did you do all this?” And it snaps me out of it.

I recently read a quote that said, “Where you are now is where someone else is dreaming to be.” Remember that. Celebrate your growth, however small. You’re further along than you think.

5. Failure Isn’t Final, it’s Feedback

In my book, failure only happens when you quit.

Mistakes, missteps, and pivots aren’t failures, they’re feedback. Every nurse has moments they’d rather forget. Early in my career, I was irrigating a three-way Foley on a post-op prostate patient, and the catheter clogged. When I pushed the irrigation too hard, fluid sprayed out the sides… all over me. Let’s just say it wasn’t just saline. Lesson learned: always wear PPE when irrigating aggressively.

Later in the ER, I almost administered Cardizem instead of an antibiotic because both bags looked identical and were in the same pyxis drawer, next to each other. Thankfully, my manager caught it. I’ll never forget that feeling of shock and relief and I’ll never again pull meds without reading the label closely.

Those weren’t failures, they were growth moments. The only real failure would’ve been walking away from nursing because of them.

6. Focus on What You Can Control

This one’s still a work in progress for me. I have a tendency to get ten steps ahead of reality, assuming how things will unfold and stressing about outcomes that haven’t even happened.

When I was a nurse manager, I used to call my mom (also a retired nurse manager) after leadership meetings, venting about unrealistic initiatives. She’d say, “Don’t let it get to you. You can share your thoughts, but then let it play out.” She was always right.

Now, even outside of management, I catch myself spiraling into “what-ifs.” My husband will remind me, “You’re not there yet. Focus on what’s in front of you.”

He’s right. You can’t control everything - people’s reactions, hospital policies, and leadership decisions. What you can control are your effort, your response, and your attitude. Focus your energy there, that’s where your power actually lies.

7. You Will Outgrow People, Places, and Opportunities

And that’s okay. It means you’re evolving.

There was a time when nurses stayed at one job for 30 or 40 years. But our generation has options - remote roles, leadership paths, travel opportunities, and entrepreneurship. Nursing is one of the few careers where you can reinvent yourself multiple times.

After I earned my MSN in Leadership and Management in 2018, I stepped into my first management role. On paper, it was everything I’d worked for - great pay, weekends off, amazing staff. But it didn’t feel right. I was constantly stressed, buried in administrative work, and on-call even on family vacations.

Eventually, I realized what looked good on paper wasn’t good for my soul. I had outgrown that chapter. It wasn’t failure, it was evolution.

If something feels heavy, misaligned, or joyless, that’s your cue to pivot. It means you’ve grown beyond it and that’s something to celebrate.

8. You Are Replaceable and That’s a Good Thing

I know, this one stings. But it’s true.

For years, I believed I was irreplaceable, that if I left a job, my manager would beg me to stay. Spoiler alert: that never happened. Every time I left, they were “sad to see me go,” but the unit kept moving, the world kept turning, and someone else stepped into my shoes.

And honestly, that realization was freeing. It reminded me that if a job or friendship no longer serves me, I can walk away. The world won’t end and neither will my career.

You’re allowed to pivot. You’re allowed to choose yourself. And knowing you’re replaceable actually takes the pressure off because it means you’re not stuck.

9. Don’t Worry About Disappointing Others More Than Yourself

This one’s for the people-pleasers. (Hi, I see you.)

We care deeply as nurses, it’s part of what makes us great at what we do. But sometimes that loyalty keeps us stuck. Are you really willing to stay in a job that makes you miserable just to avoid disappointing your manager?

You can’t prioritize someone else’s plans for your life over your own. When you do, you slow your own growth and delay your happiness.

A great leader will cheer you on as you grow, even if that means you outgrow their team. If it’s time to move on, stop fighting the inevitable. The person you’re meant to become is waiting on the other side of that fear.

10. No One Is Watching You as Closely as You’re Watching Yourself

We spend so much energy worrying about what others might think… but most people are too busy thinking about themselves.

I love the quote, “We’re the lead character in our own life, but just a background character in everyone else’s.” It’s true.

When I first started posting on social media, I was terrified of judgment. I pictured old coworkers or people from high school rolling their eyes. But when I finally took the leap, something amazing happened… some of those same people reached out with kind words and encouragement.

We are our own harshest critics. And even if “Jessica from high school” sees your post, who cares? If she has something to say, that’s about her, not you. Don’t give imaginary critics power over your dreams.

Final Thoughts: Stop Playing Small

So there you have it, ten tough-love lessons that might sting at first but will change how you approach your nursing career and your life.

Whether it’s letting go of what you can’t control, pushing through discomfort, or realizing it’s okay to outgrow people and opportunities, each lesson is rooted in growth and evolution.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep showing up, keep learning, and keep choosing yourself, even when it’s hard. Because at the end of the day, this career and this life are yours to shape.

If this resonated with you, take a second to check out the full podcast episode. 

And - as always, I’ve got one hand for me… and the other for you.

Until next time,

Caroline

PS. Want more on this topic? Listen to Life After Nursing School Podcast    Episode 37