Why Every Nurse Needs Boundaries - And How to Set Them
As a new nurse, I remember constantly asking myself: What do I need to know to actually survive this career and enjoy my life at the same time?
If I could go back and give my past self one piece of advice, it would be this: Set boundaries early and often. Not just vague, “I’ll try to take better care of myself” goals—but real, actionable limits that protect your time, energy, and mental health.
I didn’t even know what boundaries truly were when I started my nursing career. I thought of them only in the context of relationships—like dating. You know, “Don’t text me past 11 p.m.” or “I don’t do situationships.” But when I entered the workforce, and especially as I became a nurse, I learned that boundaries matter just as much—if not more—at work, with family, and with yourself.
Whether you’re a nursing student, a new grad, or a seasoned RN, understanding and implementing healthy boundaries can be the difference between burnout and balance.
What Are Boundaries, Really?
Boundaries are the internal limits we set to protect our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Think of them as invisible fences. They’re not meant to keep people out—they’re meant to help you show up better for yourself and others.
Boundaries tell the world:
“This is what I can give.”
“This is what I need to rest.”
“Here’s how I expect to be treated.”
And here’s the kicker—only you can define them. You decide what you need and what you’re no longer available for.
Why Nurses Need Boundaries More Than Ever
You chose nursing because you want to help people. That’s beautiful—but it also puts you at higher risk for compassion fatigue, burnout, and chronic stress.
There are four powerful reasons why every nurse needs boundaries:
They protect your mental health.
Without boundaries, stress piles up. You say yes when you want to say no. You overextend yourself. Over time, this leads to emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and resentment.They improve your relationships.
Clear boundaries create mutual respect. When others know what you need, they’re more likely to give it. And when you respect your own limits, it models that behavior for everyone else.They preserve your energy.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Setting boundaries helps you prioritize rest and recharge, especially during hectic shifts or draining life seasons.They support your growth.
Boundaries make room for your goals. They help you say “no” to what’s not aligned—so you can say “yes” to what truly matters.
One of my favorite examples of this came from my podcast guest Ashleigh Small. She works night shift and made it crystal clear to her family: if she worked the night before, she would not be at a midday gathering. And guess what? Her family respects that. That’s the power of a boundary clearly communicated.
Signs You Might Need Boundaries (Spoiler: You Probably Do)
If you're wondering whether this applies to you, let me save you some time: it does. Everyone needs boundaries. But to get specific, here are some red flags that indicate your boundaries might be missing or too loose.
Let’s break it down across four key areas of life:
1. Your Mental & Emotional Well-being
You feel anxious or guilty when you say no.
You constantly worry about what others think.
You feel responsible for other people’s emotions.
You find yourself people-pleasing, even when it costs you.
If this sounds like you, your emotional boundaries might need strengthening. You’re allowed to protect your peace.
2. Your Time & Energy
You say yes to things you don’t want to do.
Your calendar is full, but you feel depleted.
You never get alone time.
You’re running on fumes, always giving and rarely receiving.
Time is your most valuable resource. If others constantly access your time without limits, it’s time to set some.
3. Your Relationships
You tolerate disrespect to avoid conflict.
You feel resentful but don’t speak up.
You stay in conversations that make you uncomfortable.
You fear being disliked if you assert yourself.
Healthy relationships include boundaries. If you’re bending yourself to keep the peace, it’s not really peace—it’s self-abandonment.
4. Your Work or School Life
You take on more work to avoid disappointing others.
You respond to messages during personal time.
You’re afraid to speak up or advocate for yourself.
You’re constantly overbooked or overwhelmed.
Workplace boundaries are especially crucial in healthcare. Without them, burnout is just a matter of time.
Boundary Mistakes (And What I Learned the Hard Way)
Nobody’s perfect at setting boundaries, especially not at first. I’ve made every mistake in the book—so let’s talk about a few of the most common ones.
Mistake #1: Waiting Until You’re Burned Out
When you wait until you’re overwhelmed, boundaries often come out as ultimatums or emotional explosions.
I learned this the hard way after giving birth to my first baby. I didn’t set boundaries around visitors, space, or rest time—and it all came to a head during a major meltdown. My husband and I had to have some real conversations about what was okay and what wasn’t. I wish we’d done it sooner.
Takeaway: Don’t wait until the breaking point. Boundaries are easier to establish before you’re at your limit.
Mistake #2: Being Too Vague
Saying, “I just need some space,” isn’t helpful if people don’t know what that means.
Instead, say something like, “I need one day a week with no plans so I can reset.”
For example, I use Sundays to prep for the week. I clean, plan meals, do laundry, and mentally reset. At first, my husband didn’t get why I was so protective of Sundays—until I finally explained it. Now? He guards that time with me.
Takeaway: Be specific. People can’t support your needs if they don’t understand them.
Mistake #3: Over-Explaining or Justifying
You don’t need a 300-word essay to say no.
Back when I was a staff nurse, management would text asking if I could work extra. Instead of saying no, I’d go into this long explanation: “I’m tired, I worked overtime last week, I have a doctor’s appointment...” It was exhausting—and unnecessary.
Now? I simply say: “I’m unavailable to work.” Period.
Takeaway: You don’t owe anyone a detailed reason. A boundary is valid without a justification.
Mistake #4: Expecting People to Just Know
People are not mind readers. If you don’t clearly communicate your boundaries, don’t be surprised when they’re crossed.
When I had my first baby in December—peak flu season—I assumed everyone knew not to kiss the baby or touch her face. Spoiler alert: they didn’t. I had to learn to speak up for myself, even when it felt uncomfortable.
Takeaway: Don’t assume. Communicate clearly and kindly. Clear is kind.
Mistake #5: Not Enforcing Your Boundaries
A boundary that isn’t upheld is just a suggestion. You can’t expect people to take your boundaries seriously if you don’t.
I told myself I wouldn’t pick up extra shifts—but then I’d do it anyway “just this once.” I told myself I’d protect my Sundays—then gave them away to social plans.
It wasn’t until I started honoring my own limits that others followed suit.
Takeaway: Enforcing boundaries might feel hard at first—but it gets easier, and it pays off.
How to Start Setting Boundaries Today
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Start small. Choose one area where you’ve been feeling stretched too thin. Then ask yourself:
What do I need more of?
What do I need less of?
Where do I feel resentment or overwhelm?
What would it look like to honor my limits in this area?
Once you’ve identified a boundary you need, write it down. Say it out loud. Practice how you’ll communicate it. The more you do this, the more confident you’ll become.
Here’s a simple framework you can use to communicate a boundary:
“I feel [emotion] when [behavior or situation]. What I need moving forward is [clear request].”
Example:
“I feel overwhelmed when I don’t have time to decompress after a shift. What I need is an hour of alone time when I get home before we talk about anything.”
Clear. Kind. Actionable.
Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are an Act of Self-Respect
Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re not mean. They’re not about shutting people out.
They’re how we stay connected to ourselves. They help us protect our peace, show up fully for the people we love, and build a life that feels sustainable.
Whether you’re saying “no” to an extra shift, protecting your Sunday routine, or asking your partner to help with dinner—boundaries allow you to show up as your best self.
And the best part? Boundaries can be learned. You can get better at them over time. Every time you practice, you’re rewriting your story. You’re choosing peace over people-pleasing. You’re choosing alignment over exhaustion.
So the next time someone asks for “just a little more” of your time, energy, or space—pause.
Breathe.
And ask yourself: What do I need in this moment?
Then answer accordingly.
You’re worth that.
Did this blog resonate with you? Let me know! I’d love to hear your thoughts—and if there’s a topic you want covered on the podcast, shoot me a DM or leave a comment. And if you found this helpful, please consider sending this blog post or the related podcast epsiode to a friend—it helps others find it and reminds me that this work is reaching the people who need it most 💛
And remember—I have one hand for me and the other for you. Until next time.
Caroline
PS. Want more on this topic? Listen to Life After Nursing School Podcast Episode 17