How Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” Theory Can Change Your Nursing Career and Life
If you’ve been feeling frustrated, drained, or overwhelmed as a nurse, there’s a mindset shift that could truly change your life both inside and outside the hospital. It’s called the “Let Them” theory, and it comes from bestselling author and motivational speaker Mel Robbins.
This concept has gone viral because it’s simple, freeing, and incredibly effective. And today, we’re going to break it down, explore its two key parts:“Let Them” and “Let Me” and see exactly how it applies to nursing life, especially in those high-stress, high-stakes moments we face on the floor.
Why This Matters for Nurses
Nursing is one of the most challenging and rewarding careers out there. We’re constantly navigating patient needs, coworker dynamics, management expectations, and our own personal lives - all while working long shifts, making critical decisions, and often running on little sleep.
The truth is, a lot of what happens in healthcare is outside our control. The “Let Them” theory teaches us how to stop wasting our precious energy trying to manage other people and how to redirect that energy toward what we can control: ourselves, our boundaries, and our goals.
What Is the “Let Them” Theory?
Mel Robbins is known for her science-backed strategies for personal growth, like the viral 5 Second Rule. Her “Let Them / Let Me” approach takes that same practical mindset and applies it to emotional boundaries.
Here’s the gist:
Let Them = Release control over other people’s actions, choices, and opinions.
Let Me = Give yourself permission to do what’s best for you.
It sounds simple, but when you actually start applying it to real situations, especially in nursing, it’s a total game-changer.
Step One: Let Them
Humans crave control. It makes life feel stable, predictable, and safe. But here’s the reality - you cannot control other people.
Whether it’s a coworker’s attitude, a patient’s opinion of your care, or a family member’s expectations, their choices are about them, not you. Trying to control them only drains you.
The “Let Them” mindset says:
Let them judge you.
Let them talk behind your back.
Let them refuse your advice.
It’s not about being passive or ignoring harmful behavior - unsafe or abusive situations should always be reported. Instead, it’s about not making other people’s behavior your problem to fix.
By letting go, you protect your peace and conserve your energy for things that actually matter.
Step Two: Let Me
The second half of the theory and my personal favorite is “Let Me.”
This is where you give yourself permission to do what’s best for you without waiting for someone else to approve.
Examples:
Let me rest without guilt.
Let me post the content I want.
Let me apply for that job.
Let me take that dream trip.
It’s about stepping into your own agency, honoring your needs, and creating the life and career you want.
How This Applies to Nursing
Nursing is full of high-pressure situations where emotions run high and boundaries get tested. Here are five common nursing scenarios and how the “Let Them / Let Me” approach can shift your perspective.
1. Watching Friends Land Jobs Before You
You’re a new grad nurse still looking for your first position. Meanwhile, your best friend just landed her dream ICU job and won’t stop talking about it.
Let Them: Let her be excited. Her win doesn’t mean you won’t get yours. Avoid making her success about you.
Let Me: Let me set boundaries around conversations that trigger anxiety. Let me keep applying, networking, and preparing. Let me trust that my opportunity will come — maybe in a way that’s even better for me.
2. Getting the Call to Work on Your Day Off
You’ve planned a quiet day off when staffing calls to ask you to pick up a shift.
Let Them: Let staffing handle their staffing problem. One extra shift won’t fix systemic issues.
Let Me: Let me rest, recharge, and keep my boundaries. Remember: saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else — possibly your health and well-being.
3. When a Patient “Fires” You
You’ve followed scope and policy, but a patient demands a different nurse.
Let Them: Let them make that choice. It’s their right, and it’s not a reflection of your worth.
Let Me: Let me use the freed-up time and energy to focus on patients who collaborate in their care. Let me not take it personally.
4. Handling a Disgruntled Coworker
As charge nurse, you assign a patient admission to a nurse who complains and pushes back.
Let Them: Let them be upset. Their frustration is theirs to manage, not yours.
Let Me: Let me stay fair and consistent. Let me help if I choose, but not out of guilt.
5. Family Pressuring You to Skip Sleep
After a night shift, your family invites you to a big brunch, despite knowing you work again that night.
Let Them: Let them be disappointed.
Let Me: Let me prioritize my rest and health. Let me communicate boundaries kindly but firmly.
Why This Works in Nursing
Using “Let Them” helps you step back from emotional reactivity, avoid unnecessary conflict, and save your energy for patient care and personal well-being.
Using “Let Me” empowers you to act in alignment with your needs and values, so you’re less likely to burn out. Together, they form a mindset shift that’s especially powerful in the demanding, unpredictable world of healthcare.
Key Takeaways for Nurses
You can’t control other people so stop making it your job to manage their feelings or actions.
You can control your boundaries and that’s where your power lies.
Protecting your peace makes you a better nurse, coworker, and human.
Giving yourself permission to rest, grow, and pursue your goals is not selfish, it’s essential.
Putting It Into Practice
Here’s how you can start today:
Notice when you’re trying to control or manage someone else’s actions.
Pause and say to yourself, “Let them.”
Redirect your energy toward something you can control — “Let me…”
Act on that “Let me” — even in a small way.
Final Thoughts
The “Let Them” theory isn’t about ignoring problems or avoiding hard conversations. It’s about choosing your battles, setting boundaries, and protecting your mental and emotional health.
As nurses, we give so much of ourselves to others. This mindset reminds us that we don’t have to absorb every frustration or take on every responsibility. We can choose where to put our focus and that choice is a form of self-care that benefits everyone we care for.
🎧 And if you haven’t yet, listen to the full podcast episode for the complete “Let Them” concept breakdown, this mindset shift will change your nursing life.
And - as always, I’ve got one hand for me… and the other for you.
Until next time,
Caroline
PS. Want more on this topic? Listen to Life After Nursing School Podcast Episode 30