How to Handle a Preceptor That Isn’t the Right Fit for You
New Grad Nurse Tips for Navigating Orientation and Setting Yourself Up for Success
Starting your first nursing job is one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking moments of your career. It’s the start of your professional practice, where you’ll lay the foundational bricks for the nurse you’re going to become. And during this crucial time, your preceptor plays a huge role in shaping your learning experience.
But what happens if your preceptor isn’t the right fit for you? What if their teaching style, attitude, or expectations make it harder for you to learn and grow? Unfortunately, this situation happens and it can have a big impact on your confidence and competence as a nurse.
In this guide, we’ll break down:
What a typical nursing orientation structure looks like.
Red flags that signal your preceptor may not be supporting your growth.
How to address concerns with your manager professionally.
Strategies to get the most out of your orientation even if your preceptor isn’t ideal.
Understanding a Typical Nursing Orientation
For most new grad nurses, orientation lasts anywhere from 8 to 16 weeks. Personally, I recommend at least 12 weeks, but not every hospital offers that - which is a shame, because new nurses need time to build confidence and competence.
Here’s how orientation usually works:
You’re paired with a primary preceptor - the nurse you’ll spend most of your time with.
You might also work with one or two secondary preceptors to fill in when your primary is off.
You’ll have regular check-ins with your unit manager, nurse educator, and/or residency program director. Your preceptor often attends these meetings.
These check-ins are where you’ll discuss your progress, identify obstacles, and talk about what you’re managing independently.
For example, if your unit’s day shift typically cares for five patients, you might start with one patient and slowly work up to a full assignment. Most units have milestones for when you should be taking half your load or managing all patients on your own.
If you’re not meeting those milestones, it’s important to figure out why and whether your preceptor’s approach might be part of the issue.
Why Preceptor Fit Matters
Precepting is a big responsibility. While some nurses get a small pay bump for it, it’s rarely enough to make it financially motivating. Good preceptors invest a lot of time teaching and guiding rather than working independently, which can be exhausting.
Not all nurses love teaching. Sometimes, a preceptor is assigned simply because there were no other options available. On the flip side, even great teachers can become burnt out from precepting too often.
Understanding your preceptor’s background and perspective can help you approach the relationship with empathy. But remember, you still need a learning environment that works for you.
The First Weeks: Give It Time
The first couple of weeks of orientation are an adjustment period for both you and your preceptor.
You’re learning their workflow, communication style, and approach to patient care.
They’re learning about your skill set, how you process information, and how you respond to feedback.
Before you assume a mismatch, give it a few weeks to see if you can adapt to each other. Switching too quickly can set you back if the real issue is simply the learning curve.
Communicating Your Needs Early
Your preceptor can’t adjust their teaching style if they don’t know what works for you.
Be specific: “It helps me if you talk me through the assessment out loud before I try it on my own” is better than “I need more help.”
Ask for extra time when needed: “I’d like more practice with central line dressing changes before doing them independently.”
Reflect after each shift: What went well? What could improve? Set an intention for your next shift and share it.
Example:
“I realized I’m not comfortable with discharge instructions. Today, I’d like to review a few and try giving them to one or two patients.”
Being proactive allows your preceptor to find opportunities to help you grow.
Red Flags in a Nursing Preceptor
While every preceptor has a different style, some behaviors are clear warning signs that the learning environment is not healthy. Here’s a quick nurse preceptor red flag checklist:
Provides minimal guidance; expects you to “figure it out.”
Doesn’t explain clinical reasoning or offer feedback.
Responds with sarcasm, frustration, or irritation.
Makes you feel embarrassed or afraid to ask questions.
Shows little interest in your learning or progress.
Fails to set goals or check in during shifts.
Demonstrates unsafe or inconsistent clinical practices.
Discourages following policy or evidence-based care.
Constantly compares you to other nurses.
Uses a negative tone, gossips, or creates a toxic atmosphere.
Refuses to adapt to your learning needs.
You leave shifts feeling anxious, defeated, or emotionally drained.
If you check off several of these, it’s time to pause, reflect, and advocate for yourself.
Staying Professional Under Pressure
When you’re frustrated:
Stay professional — even if you feel like screaming or crying.
Confide selectively — avoid venting to the entire unit.
Self-assess — is the struggle due to their style, your learning curve, or both?
If the issue is impacting your ability to learn and meet orientation goals, it’s time to speak with your manager.
Document Before You Discuss
Keep a private log of dates, incidents, and direct quotes.
Example:
“8/12 - Asked for clarification on med dosage; preceptor said, ‘You should already know this’ in front of the patient.”
This isn’t about building a case, it’s about giving your manager clear, factual examples.
Approaching Your Manager About a Preceptor Mismatch
Speaking up can feel uncomfortable, but your success is on the line — and there’s often a termination window for new hires tied to unsuccessful orientation.
When you meet:
Start with gratitude:
“Thank you for meeting with me. I value this orientation process and want to ensure I’m set up for success.”
State the issue without blame:
“I’m having difficulty adapting to my preceptor’s teaching style. I respect their experience but find it challenging to meet orientation goals.”
Give a specific example:
“I learn best by talking through my thinking process, but I’ve had trouble getting that feedback.”
Offer solutions:
“Could we try a shift or two with another preceptor to see if a different style helps me progress?”
Reaffirm your commitment:
“My goal is to complete orientation confident and safe in my practice.”
Other Pointers for the Conversation
Avoid labels like “bad preceptor” or “toxic.” Focus on fit and learning needs.
Keep it brief and factual — avoid turning it into a venting session.
End by asking for guidance — managers are more receptive when they feel part of the solution.
Maximizing Orientation — No Matter What
Even with a less-than-perfect preceptor, you can:
Take initiative to learn.
Observe other nurses when opportunities arise.
Ask open-ended questions.
Use all available resources: educators, charge nurses, experienced staff.
Show appreciation: a simple “thank you” goes a long way.
Bottom Line
Your orientation sets the tone for your nursing career. If you’re struggling with your preceptor:
Give it time to adjust.
Communicate needs clearly.
Watch for red flags.
Document and advocate when necessary.
Stay professional and proactive.
Your ultimate goal is to finish orientation feeling safe, confident, and ready to care for patients and that starts with making sure your learning environment supports you.
And - as always, I’ve got one hand for me… and the other for you.
Until next time,
Caroline
PS. Want more on this topic? Listen to Life After Nursing School Podcast Episode 31